Posts Tagged ‘home depot’

The weekend fiasco, part 1

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Sore…that’s what I’ve been feeling for the last few days…sore.  And it’s now worse.  There are several reasons for this, all of which would be too long for a single blog post, so this story will be broken up into smaller, bite size chapters, for your easy consumption.

Now let me just start by saying I’m not going to just whine.  I find comedy in my suffering in and I think you do too, so let me lay out the events of the previous few days.

Stairs.  That’s where the story starts, is with my back stairs.  You see, 5 years ago I built a small back porch/deck on the house and put a small, 2 ft wide set of steps on the deck.  Now the stairs are old and really, 2 ft is not wide enough for taking dogs in and out.  So I decided we needed new steps, grand steps, 4 foot wide steps…yes…that’s what we need …4 ft wide steps.

Now I drive a fairly small car so the prospect of driving 35 miles with 8 ft 2X10s hanging out the back wasn’t that appealing, but a friend told me that Home Depot will cut each board one time for free.  “This is perfect!”, I thought.  I could get each board cut in half, it would be easier to manage and I wouldn’t have to make any cuts at the house.  I could just screw it all together.  Easy, huh?  A quick call to Home Depot confirmed this and I set out on the start of my epic journey.  I felt much like young Frodo Baggins, who also had no idea how bad he was going to get screwed by life just for walking out his front door.

So I went to home depot and loaded up my cart with 2X10s, which is no easy feat for a fat, outta shape guy like myself.  I then began dragging my loaded down cart around looking for an employee.  When I finally found a young gentleman in a Home Depot smock, I proudly and smugly asked who I should talk to about getting my lumber cut.  I was greeted with a strange look, followed by, “We don’t do that here.”

I met the strange look with puzzlement.  Wasn’t he aware of what my friend had said?  And the what about the phone call…yes, the phone call confirming it with Home Depot?  Was he somehow out of the loop on Home Depots board cutting policies?

“But I called and asked and they said…”, I trailed off.

“I don’t think we’ve ever done that here. ”  He began to yell at another employee on the other end of the isle.   ” Hey Brian do we precut preassure treated lumber?”


“Have we ever cut preassure treated lumber?”  Ok guys, I got the point.  I am a complete idiot.  You don’t have to rub it in.

“Not that I know of.”

He turned back to me, and in a tone usually reserved for addressing a 5 year old who doesn’t understand that milk actually comes from cows, not cartons, he explained that they don’t cut the pressure treated lumber because their ventilation system is not OSHA certified to vent the chemicals that would be given off.  Apparently they’ll cut every other kind of lumber EXCEPT the pressure treated.

I felt slightly less out of my mind to learn that it was the particular kind of wood I had, not all wood, that was subject to this policy and that my hearing and comprehension were not going the way of my waistline.  Home Depot does, in fact, cut wood, just not the kind I wanted.

Not wanting to try to fit the large load in the car, I then proceeded to unload from my cart all that I am loaded.  Again, this was no small feat.

I went home disappointed, but resolved that I could probably get the lumber home safely through the 35 mile trip and just cut it myself at home, assuming my saw was in good enough shape.  Later in the evening, I checked it out and, while not in great shape, the saw was functional, so I decided to go back and get the lumber the next day.

And so ends phase 1 of my fiasco.

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